By Jovito R. Salonga
Only two weeks ago, a major newspaper published a front-page feature on a philandering 84-year old retiree-a former public school teacher-who had a quarrel with her live-in partner, a 30-old, able bodied young woman who was consumed by jealousy.
It was a midnight quarrel on a memorable Sunday in Caloocan City. What were they quarreling about? The young unrepentant woman, Yolanda Laureano, told the police: “Niloloko lang niya ako. Dinemonyo na niya ako, naghanap pa ng iba. (He was already demonizing me; he still wanted to fool around with others.) A native of Candon, Ilocos Sur, Yolanda was held by the police for the death of Mauro Yap, Sr. She had no regret for beating up the elderly retiree. “Sobra na kasi,” she said. Yolanda Laureano suspected him of sleeping with another woman.
She decided to confront him about it when he came that Sunday. The verbal altercation turned ugly when the young woman pounded the old man with her fist. The old retiree tried to parry her assault by fighting back, resulting in a blackened left eye with bruises on her arm.
But a knockout Sunday punch from a young woman hit the old retiree on the jaw, sending him to the ground. Seething in anger, Yolanda then grabbed the old man by the hair-which means hindi kalbo-and pounded his head on the hard floor, resulting in his death.
Ano ba ang ibig sabihin ng istoryang ito? The elderly retiree must know how to control his worldly appetite, his hormonal balance, and observe a little sense of ethical, moral values, even if he is in a live-in situation. Mas mainam yata iyong ginagawa ng isang retiree na talagang matanda na. Pag-gising niya sa umaga, binabasa niya ang dalawang popular na diyaryo habang umiinom ng kape. Agad niyang tinitignan ang Obituaries. Iniisa niya ang mga nakalistang pangalan. Kung hindi niya makita ang kanyang pangalan, nangingiti siya-Salamat po, Panginoon buhay pa pala ako!
Seriously speaking, there are certain points we should remember.
1. AGING IS INEVITABLE. As we grow older, our hair becomes gray, the skin less elastic, our reflexes is slower, and the lens of the eye becomes foggy. But it is the time of great wisdom, our richest experience, and our deepest insights.
Whatever we do, we will not live forever. The fountain of Youth of Ponce de Leon is nothing more than a myth. There is no way we can reach 200 years or more. Magpasalamat tayo sa Diyos kung tayo’y makaabot sa siyam napu o isang daan.
In China, says Lin Yutang, the 51st birthday is an occasion of great rejoicing; the 61st and 71st are progressively happier and grander; a man able to celebrate his 81st birthday is one specially favored by the gods.
When I attend class reunions, the number of attendance keeps dwindling, since most of us are around my age-84 going 85. In RHS Class 1936, to which I belong, mapalad kung dumalo ang lima. In my UP Law Class 1942, karaniwan ay tatlo o apat na lang ang dumadating ang iba ay maysakit at hindi na makalakad.
But what frightens many people, as Rabbi Kushner puts it is the dread of insignificance, the notion that we will be born, live one day, and none of it will matter. A good many people don’t want to live forever-it is like reading a good book or watching a good movie that never ended.
Many people understand that the story of our lives must have a beginning, middle, and an end. But what they desperately want is to live long enough to get it right, to feel that they have done something worthwhile with their lives.
2. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF AGE. The senior who ages well makes use of the enormous advantage of age. Look at the lives of the many vigorous centenarians and seniors in public life. George Burns and Bob Hope in their 90’s entertained millions of people. Grandma Moses was still painting at 100. Bertrand Russell was active at 94. George Bernard Shaw was writing at 91. At 89 Dr. Albert Schweitzer headed for a hospital in primitive Africa.
Konrad Adenauer, whom I met and conferred with in his residence in Bonn, together with Vice President Emmanuel Pelaez in 1963, was the Chancellor of West Germany at 88. At age 86, Marshall Tito of Yugoslavia married for the fourth time, saying that was his way of keeping young and vigorous. When he was 96 and still playing his cello, Pablo Casals commented: “Age is a relative matter. If you continue to work and absorb the beauty of the world around you, you find that age does not necessarily mean getting old.
As stated by Dr. James F. Fries, “the potential of the human spirit is clearly long-lasting. The achievements of the persons I mentioned “are not the achievements of the youth. They build on the attributes of age”-WISDOM, EXPERIENCE, AND DEEP INSIGHTS.
MARAHIL, ang itatanong ninyo sa akin, iyan bang sinasabi ninyo, nagagawa ninyo?
“Know thyself”, the great philosopher tells us. But there is a danger in too much self-analysis. At one extreme, we could spend a lot of time brooding on our aches and pains, boring others with sad stories of our ailments and illnesses. At the other extreme, we could be doing nothing else but congratulating ourselves on our accomplishments. Self-adulation could be even more boring. For he who falls in love with himself will have no rivals, as Benjamin Franklin used to remind his contemporaries.
I look at myself, with no attempt to congratulate myself but to consider only the documented facts. I was busy in my law practice and teaching, having written a number of law books, when I was appointed Dean of Law of FEU in 1957. In 1960 Vice President Diosdado Macapagal, in the company of Terry Adevoso (both ranking Liberals) came to my residence two times, if I recall correctly, to convince me to run as a Congressman in the 2nd district of Rizal, without need of any LP Convention. Talaga namang kaunti na ang natirang Liberal noon, Bakit?
Si Senador Lorenzo Sumulong, na siyang No. 1 Liberal sa Rizal noong 1953, ay nagging Nasyonalista at sumama sa kampanya ni Ramon Magsaysay laban kay Elpidio Quirino. Kayat may dalawang political dynasties kami sa Rizal-Rodriguez at Sumulong. Nang yumao si Magsaysay naglaban naman ang dalawa sa loob ng NP. I was finally persuaded to run. After making a thorough analysis of the situation in my district and after the remaining liberals there pledged their all-out support.
I won over the protégés of the two political dynasties in the 1961 election-that is, over is Kumong Sumulong and Serafin Salvador-by an overwhelming majority. I served for only one term as Congressman as I was asked by my Party to run for the Senate. I was elected Senator for 3 times-1965 (even if I could not campaign due to extensive injuries I sustained as a result of the Plaza Miranda bombing on August 21, 1971), and then in 1987, after serving for one year as PCGG Chairman.
I recall that when I was in PCGG, we did not only sequester and start the recovery of the ill-gotten wealth of the Marcoses and their cronies-I also helped revitalized the Liberal Party which had elected me Party President, to succeed the late Gerry Roxas.
In 1986, I also organized the Bantayog ng mga Bayani Foundation. After being reminded by Dr. Ruben Mallari-a prominent doctor from California and head of the Ninoy Aquino Movement, who arrived shortly after the EDSA I not to forget those who had fallen in the night without witnessing People Power and the ouster of Marcos from power. That is how Bantayog was born, with Dona Aurora Aquino as Honorary Chairman and President giving us sizeable parcel of land in Quezon City (1.5 hectares) near the corner of EDSA and Quezon Avenue Extension to honor the men and women, who had given their lives for the sake of freedom and democracy without seeing the dawn of freedom-such young men as Edgar Jopson and Manny Yap, and others like Ninoy Aquino and EV Javier. Later, we also honored those who survived EDSA 1 but gave their talents, time and resources to restore freedom and democracy in our land, such notables as Lorenzo M. Tanada, Jose W. Diokno, Chino Roces and others equally worthy.
In the Senate I authored 3 major bills:1) RA 6713, the Code of Conduct and Ethical Standards for Government Officials and Employees: (2) RA 7090, the Anti-Plunder Law: and (3) RA 6968, the Anti-Coup d’etat Law.
But the finest hour of the Philippines Senate during my presidency was when 12 senators rejected the further stay of US bases in the Philippines, thus ending more than 400 years of military presence in our country.
After my failed bid for president in 1992, which delighted my family, I retired from Government service but I did not retire from serving people outside Government. On August 2, 1993, I founded Kilosbayan-a non-partisan, ethics-oriented people organization to arouse public interest in important questions on public policy, on the basis of civilized norms of morality, justice, truths and ethics. Its contributions to our country are a matter of public knowledge.
On Recto’s birthday on February 8, 2000, I founded Bantay ng Katarungan, a non-partisan, independent NGO, for the purpose of reforming and modernizing our system of justice in the Philippines, with my former partner, former Secretary of Justice Sedfrey Ordoñez, as Chairman. Our watchdogs or sentinels are law students of competence and idealism, recommended to us by the deans of the best laws schools in Metro Manila-UP, Ateneo, San Beda, FEU and Lyceum. These students, who have no vested interest to protect and no axes to grind, monitor the performance of our courts-including the Supreme Court, the Sandiganbayan, the Court of Appeals-and other quasijudicial tribunals-such as the Comelec and the Judicial and Bar Council-particularly in cases involving the public interest, such as plunder, graft and corruption, violation of human rights, the degradation of the environment, and screening appointments to important positions in the judiciary-such as the Supreme Court, the Sandiganbayan and the Court of Appeals.
Ambassador Ordoñez and I do not get any salary or compensation for our services but, at our age, we feel needed and useful, since we are able to make use of our unique experience and insights, for the benefit of our people, particularly the youth of the land who will come after us-especially in seeking justice for all, especially to our poor, forgotten people. We have only a few remaining years left but serving others for a cause bigger than our selves is, for us, the very definition of joy, happiness and fulfillment.
Many years ago, a group of sociology students in the US surveyed 20 venerable, decrepit elderlies who had reached the age of 95. One question they asked produced amazingly similar answers. The question “If you could live your life all over again, what would you do differently? They responded with these three things: (1) they would risk more, hindi laging segurista; (2) they would meditate more: (3) they would spend more time and energy pursuing things that would survive after they died. More important than the making of a living of a good life-a life of purpose and meaning.
I began this little speech with a joke. Let me end it with something better than a joke. After the launching of my book Presidential Plunder in 1980- I was 80 at the time-I received a quotation from my friend Commodore Alcaraz from California. It was a quote from the well-known Frank Laubach, who had been a missionary to the Muslims in Lanao whom he taught how to read and write English in the 30s, then persuaded by Mahatma Gandhi to also teach the people of India, then invited to some places in South America where also served. When he got back to the US, he composed the piece, “Life Begins at 80.”
(Speech to the Retirees Association of the Philippines on May 27, 2005 at Ateneo, QC)
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Proverbs 3:5 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”
“Give God the reins”
Cliff Schimmels says: “When I was young my dad had a team of horses. One day he said to me, ‘Son, would you like to drive?’ So I took the reins. I was in control. I was driving. But the plodding bothered me, it was too slow. So I clucked the horses along and they began to trot. Then Babe and Blue came up with a better idea. They decided that if they ran we would get home faster. Soon they were running as fast as I’ve seen horses run. As the prairie-dog holes whizzed by I concluded that we were in a dangerous situation, so I tried my best to slow down the runaway team. I tugged on the reins until my hands cramped. I cried and pleaded, but nothing worked. Old Babe and Blue just kept running. I glanced over at my dad and he was just sitting there, watching the world go by. By now I was frantic. My hands were cut from the reins, tears streaming down my face, frozen from the winter cold. Finally in desperation I turned to my dad and said, ‘Here, take the reins, I don’t want to drive anymore.’ Now that I’m older and people call me grandpa, I re-enact that scene at least once a day.”
Regardless of how old we get or how capable we think we are, there’s always that moment when the only way out is to turn to our Heavenly Father and say, “Here, take the reins, I don’t want to drive anymore.” And He will, but you’ve got to give them to Him!
==
I don’t know if should laugh or cry with the tragic story of lolo Mauro. At 84, the old man had not had a control of his libido. Baka naman masyado siyang malungkot sa katandaan and had not accepted the fact of his soon dying days, sa piling ng mga batang asawa at kabit ay lumalakas ang kanyang pakiramdan. It was only him who knew of his real feelings as an old man.
Si Lolo Jovito naman ay hindi tama na ikumpara niya ang matandang Mauro sa kanya o sa nga statesmen/politikos na binanggit niya sa itaas. Ang layo ng kanilang kalagayan at kinapuntahan sa buhay. Meron silang mga pangalan na dapat pangalagaan, they had/have fulfilled lives, samantalang si Lolo Mauro ay mukhang naghahanap pa ng kaligayahan hanggang sa mamatay.
Nakakalungkot at humantong sa kamatayan ang pagkahilig ni Lolo Mauro sa babae. Pero kanya-kanyang dala sa katandaan.
Sa ngayon ay isang matanda lang ang aking kinamumuhian, si Gunggong!
Sa hirap ng buhay sa Pilipinas at mahal ang bilihin lalo na ang gamot,palagay ko ay hindi na aabot ng 50 years old ang karamihan na naghihirap sa buhay.Ang mga makakalampas lang siguro ng 50 ay iyong may kaya sa buhay na kayang bumili ng masustansyang pagkain at may pambayad sa doctor.
Grabe din pala ang libog ng 80 years old nakabingit pa ng 30 at pinagseselosan pa siya na may ibang babae.May anting-anting siguro sa babae,iyan ang gusto ko na kahit na 80 na ay sumalasudo pa ang sundang.
Hindi kaya si lolo M ay puro blue pills ang iniinom. 84 na, posible bang walang ayuda yun. Si Dolphy ba, ilang taon na?
Naku po nanay chi, sana kapag nagretiro na si doc.bobonyo ay hindi siya magmamana sa biyenan niyang pabigat. Katuwiran ni general at home ay naglilingkud daw siya sa bayan tuwing may tree planting at operation linis sa aming subdivision. Tutoo po iyon pero ang paglilingkud ni tatay (ng misis kung butangera) ay may malisya. Nandoon lang siya para tumingin sa mga magagandang teachers, dalagang residents, misis na sexy, at mga pa-cute na teenagers. Ang kanyang involvement sa public service ay with malice…Ngayon at retirado na siya napupunta lang sa kanyang luho ang mga pension niya. Ang daily activity ni tatay Matsing ay: jogging in the morning para tumingin sa mga sexy, community service after 9:00 a.m. para tulungan ang labandera ng aming kapitbahay na magsampay, and at 10:00 to 5:00 ewan ko na kung ano ang pinaggagawa nila ni Inday na kasambahay namin. Retiring? Please lang po huwag tularan si general Matsing–ang mahal kung biyenan!
Kapag kasama ko si itay (ng butangera kung kabiyak), at nagpupunta kami sa mga malls (kapag may pera siya) at laging nakabukol ang kanyang harapan. Madalas tuloy siyang kapkapan ng mga sikyu sa pag-aakalang may dala-dala siyang explosive. Madalas na lang magkatawanan dahil ang kanyang dalang explosive ay iba ang sumasabog. Makakita lang ng legs ng tisay at nagdridribble na boobs ay nakaattention kaagad ang kanyang Manoy. Kung nasa computer naman puro kalaswaan ang kanyang mga pinapanood at pinapatingin pa sa screen ang panganay kung si Letsi (his nickname from Celestino).
May masama pang ugali si biyenan, kapag siya ay nalalasing nandadakma iyan ng mga singit at dibdib ng mga pokpok sa beer house. Ilang beses na rin siyang hinuli ng mga pulis at tanod at nakulong sa presinto for sexual harrassment. One time kasama niya ang mga barkada niyan sikyu ng subdivision at nagpunta sila sa isang mumurahing beer house. Nalasing na naman si biyenan ng ininum niyang (red whores) este, red horse na beer. Nangdakma na naman and this time, siya ay nasampal ng pagkalakas-lakas. Nahilo si matsing at tila nalagasan pa yata ng buhok sa patilya. Mantakin mo ang kanyang nabiktima pala ay iyong floor manager at bugaw ng mga pokpok na bading.
docB,
Baka sa susunod ay transvestite na ang karomansa ng bienan mo, maraming mas sexy at maganda sa kanila ngayon kesa sa tunay na babae.
Ang gagawin ko as a retiree, I will retire na from being adult. Mas masarap bumalik sa pagkabata atbsapagkat hindi na pwede, maging isip bata na lang.
Muli kong babalikan ang bukid at kaparangan kong nilakhan. Aakyatin ko hindi na ang puno ng niyog dahil hindi ko na kaya pero ang mababa na lang na punong bayabas.
Pupunta ako sa batis at titingnan ko may may umaagos pang tubig. At kung mayroon pa, magtatampisaw ako o di kaya’y maglalangoy hanggang dapit hapon na kung saan maririnig mo ang mga huni ng kulisap na nagbabadyang lulubog na naman ang haring araw.
doc.bobonyo,
Dapat pala ay ipakilala mo ang byenan mo sa byenan kong babae.Mas masahol ang alembong nitong 68 years old na byenan ko.Simula ng nabyuda noong 1990 ay naka sampu na ng ka live-in na mga boyfrin-boyfrin.
Nagpa forklift pa ng dalawang suso na kasing laki ng watermelon ng nagbakasyon sa Pinas,nag pa bleach,nagpa lipo,maluluma ang boobs ni Pamela sa kanya.
Kaya sinisigurado ko muna kung si misis ko ang nakahiga sa kama,mahirap na baka magkamali dahil halos parang pinakbiyak na arinola silang dalawa kapag pareho silang nakatalikod.Sa amoy na lang nagkakatalo kung sino ang misis ko.
Pagsapit ng gabi, yayain ko ang mga kabinataan upang kami’y magharana sa dilag sa aming nayon na sa ligaw tingin ko lang dinadaan ang aking marubdob na hangarin. Aawitin ko ang mga lumang awitin sa saliw ng gitara kahit patid na ang isang bagting at sintunado pa mandin ang aking boses.
Sa umaga, hindi pa pumuputok ang sikat ng araw, babangon ako upang ipastol ang mga kalabaw sapagkat maya-maya lamang, gagamitin na siya upang magbungkal ng lupa para pagtaniman ng palay at gulay na aming kakanin.
Ang artikulo ni Jovito Salonga ay para sa mga intellectual na katulad niya. Bagaman at pahapyaw niyang sinabi ang kakaibang mga karanasan ng vmga gurang sa buhay may asawa, bilang tao ay hindi maiiwasang mangyari ang ganun.
Isa ako sa kumikilala sa talino ni former Senator Salonga. Sa mga political students, Salonga is considered one of the legal luminaries of our time. He’s credited, as he enumerated, for organizing and leading various groups to address issues for certain point in time. But it is a sad comentary in our country that the brightest will not always get the most adherence in their political battles. When Salonga run for the president, he was even bested by the much maligned Imelda Marcos.
Barakong Astig, pare ko dapat ngang pagtagpuin sila nang makabawi naman ako kay biyenan ng aking mga pangkukulam, ay pagkukulang sa kanya. Para lalong silang ganahan sa romansa ay hihingi tayo ng sample ka Eggplant sa mga produkto niyang pampatigas at pampadulas. Ayus… para sigurong nililindol ang Metro Manila.
Si Cocoy ay retired na kahit bata pa. Heto at naging mas masipag, naging entrepreneur at nagtayo ng Cocoy’s Delight. Si Joeseg ay ii-enjoy ang muling pagkabata.
Ako, gagalain kung muli ang buong Pinas, yung mga sulok-sulok. At dahil ang bahay namin sa probinsya ay nasa pagitan ng bundok na Silangan,at dagat na Kanluran ,ay magi-enjoy ako sa sunrise-sunset, patreking-treking at pagpulot ng sigay.
Pero bago yan ay kailangan munang may pera ako na uuwi sa bayang sinilangan at bibilhin ko ang pwesto ng Mayor (kung magiging tulad lang siya ng mayor ngayon) para maisakatuparan ang aking vision sa aming bayan.
Putris na mayor, ng pumunta si Korap tianak sa aming bayan para magpakawala ng pawikan, ay inutusan ang mga tao na pumunta sa dagat at pumalakpak ng malakas kay Gloria dahil meron ‘limos’ na ipamimigay. Paano uunlad ang Pinas kung ang lider-opisyal sa kaitaasan at sa kaibabaan ay pinagbiyak na niyog ang tuktok. (Ang layo sa retirement ng ending, heheh).
Sa mga retirees, don’t despair because you could stay young and here’s how:
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay ‘them.’
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
My dean in our university who was in near retirement said that he got a formula so he’ll live longer. He’ll just think that he’d die every minute so he would get tired and bored of thinking about it.
Sori, the dean is still “is”.
Joe,
Yung wifey ng kaibigan namin ay nagrereklamo. He eats what he wants despite being diabetic. Naghanda ako ng pinoy fruit salad at parang hayok kung kumain.
When I told him to take it easy, dahil diabetic nga. His response was “let the wife worry about it”…hindi doktor ha.
Sabi ko sa babae, “let him die eating, as long as he enjoys it”.
Meron talagang mga lalaki na pati buhay ay inaasa sa mga asawa. Buti na lang ang mga kapatid dito at mahal na mahal ang mga kabiyak, pati mga biyenan.
Ang dami kong typo ngayon kasi ay nagmamadali ako, iiwan ko kayo sandali at mamundok ako. Ciao,ciao muna.
Manay Chi
While you’re in your mountain lair, you can sing at the top of your voice this song by adopting the tune of My Favorite Things (BY Julie Andrews):
Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.
Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’,
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had, And then I don’t feel so bad.
Bilib naman ako sa Lolong ito na 80 years old na ay malakas pa ang libido.Ano kaya ang diet ng matandang ito.Baka malakas sa siling labuyo.
Magandang mag-retire sa Pinas.Doon marami ang dadalaw sa iyo kapag nagkasakit ka dahil papakainin mo sila.Araw araw ay lagi kang may bisita kung may pera ka.Makakakuha ka pa ng 20-30 years old na kerida.Kung mayroon lang akong $800 na pension ay maganda na dahil isang libong pesos na lang ang pangastos sa araw-araw ay 30,000 lang iyun sa isang buwan.Marami kilong bigas na rin ang mabibili at tilapia.
Kutsara
At sa gastos mong 30K isang buwan, mayroon ka pang natitirang pang pambili ng bigas at para kung magaalaga ka ng chicks, maraming patuka. Mantak mo yun!
Thanks Joe,
I printed the poem at babasahin kung paulit-ulit pag retirado na ako.
Kahit mga retired na, pwede pa ring makiisa sa mga pagtalakay ng kagalingang pambansa. Pwede ring sumama sa mga rally kung naniniwala sa ipinaglalaban na dapat iprotesta. Katulad ngayon, nasa gitna tayo ng krisis at sa ganitong kaganapan, dapat tayong manindigan.
Kung sa US, they have Bill Clinton, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, Stevie Wonder and Condoleeza Rice.
Ipagsigawan natin dito sa Pilipinas, we have no BILLs, no CASH, no HOPE, no WONDER and no RICE… !!!
A retiree on his 83rd Birthday
An old man in a nursing home was celebrating his 83rd birthday. One of the female residents stopped by his room to say hi.
“how are you doing today?” she asked.
“I’m celebrating my birthday, today,” the man told the woman,”guess how old I am.”
“drop your pants and let me feel your balls,” she said.
The old man looked around and decided no one was watching, so he did as the woman said, and she began to feel his balls with her hand.
“you’re 83,” she said.
“how did you know?” the old man replied.
“you told me yesterday.”
Don’t mess up with any 86 old women or so because this might just end anybody bullet riddled as in this case to a young man:
Defense Attorney:Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney:Will you tell us, in your own words,
What happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on
My front porch on a warm spring evening,
When a young man comes creeping up on
The porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:No, I didn’t stop him.
Defense Attorney:Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since
My Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:What happened next?
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:What happened next?
Little Old Lady:Well, by then, I was feeling so ‘spicy’ that I just laid down and told him ‘Take me, young man. Take me now!’
Defense Attorney:Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ‘April Fool!’
And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard.
i like the story above. served he little basard right.