Inspired by the success of the Democrats in bringing to the White House Barack Obama, Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay already signified his intention to run for the 2010 presidential race.–I read this at Kidlatan Village blog. I might be slow to know the latest news from the Philippines because I was pre occupied with the latest election in America and the Black Jesus won.
Can Jojo Binay unite the opposition ?
It’s hard to tell — especially when we don’t even know the temperature at which water boils.
While others worry that politicians who want to be the next president are getting dumber, I’m excited about a future in which Binay is one of the smartest people in the country. His accomplishment in Makati will win Nobel Prizes in economics and government, like kickassedness and noyoudidntity. He can run an Ivy League university solely based on his insights:
Lito Lapid worry that contemporary people in Makati are too stupid to vote for him because they can’t find Pampanga on the Makati map, even if those maps are just of the blueprint of Malacanang. Despite such arguments — Binay gave the Kapangpangan senator a lesson he won’t forget, How Dumb Lito Lapid to challenge Binay in Makati?: Lapid doesn’t even know how many degrees were in a triagle.
We’ve all heard the old saying that in any given election, all you’re doing is voting for the lesser of two evils. Indeed, it could be argued that just about any election is a joke in itself. However, some candidates make the whole election thing even sillier by placing their own ridiculous selves into the election. Here is a rundown of some of the most ludicrous candidates for the 2010 presidential election, along with an attempt to analyze what good could have possibly come from their appointment.
1) Bayani Fernando—-With the embarrassing failures of how he could solve the gridlock in Metro Manila, He plan to turn all the stop light into green at all times,according to him traffic are getting congested because cars stop on the red light.He figured it out he could use his celebrity status to gain an upper-hand, by plastering all his image in a tarpaulin billboards.
With years of experience in smashing everything from watermelons to cantaloupe, Bayani Fernando confidently hit the campaign trail answering all the tough questions such as, Wow, you’re still alive? and Wait, you say you’re actually are running for President, seriously? C’mon, don’t pull my leg, are you for real?
With his garbage disposal compactor and mallet, Bayani Fernando could have smashed the fruits of injustice that motorist plague in Metro Manila (yes, everything must be a sledgehammer joke with Bayani Fernando)
2) Joker Arroyo–If he intend to run.—I put Joker’s picture next to a zombie to emphasize how old he was. You know, because his flesh appears to literally be rotting. Like that of a Zombie. Because he’s old. I totally lampooned the shit out of him.
Any career counselor worth their salt will tell you that the more life experience you have in a particular field, the more qualified you are for a job within that field. But what they never seem to tell you is that once you pass the age of, say, 70, life experience generally begins to sort of work against you, what with all the body decay and all.
When Joker Arroyo ran for re-election , he was fucking old! According to the majority of the voters felt that it was time for to retire, but re-elected him anyway.
That’s a really great setup for a joke about how people from are slow and backwards, but since I like to try to grow my readership once in a while and would value my readers, I’ll keep my big, stupid mouth shut.
His slow and feeble status helped Senate do what it does best – be inefficient. In addition, even in his old age, they say he could still filibuster like a motherfucker.
3) Noli De Castro–Fed up with this incumbent , professional -annoying-guy, Noli De Castro is waiting for Malacanang to give him his blessing as an ordinary Ficus tree to run against the opposition. If you hadn’t already lost all faith in the voting public, know this – people did in fact vote for the tree.
Even worse, the gimmick caught on and was repeated across the country. I mean, ok, we get it. You don’t like the current politicians in office, but is this really the best way to handle things? How is something like this even funny after the first time?
By all means, voting public, don’t bother to do anything crazy like find a real person to run against the politician you dislike or organize a grassroots campaign to help convince the incumbent politician to address issues that are important to you. Just go ahead and keep voting for trees, that’ll fix everything.
In all fairness, an inanimate tree would be unable to say anything stupid or fuck anything up, giving him a leg-up on many politicians. Also, if the tree could have somehow grow in Malacanang , it would have supported destroying the environment, yet all along, been helping it through the process of photosynthesis, which would have been funny in a really nerdy, I-have-no-life–read- and listen-to him sort of way. The fruit will not drop farther from the tree.
These politician think that they are running for school president;
Through school elections, people learn from an early age that democratic elections are boring popularity contests that rarely directly benefit them and are generally not worth their attention. Even though these elections are meaningless by just about any standard, every year, students are forced to sit in an auditorium and waste upwards of an hour of their precious childhoods listening to half-assed campaign speeches and I for one want that time back.
Another way to look at it is to claim that school elections served the purpose of promoting the importance of voting, and yet, if I were to vote to play hooky on that assembly, I got labeled as the bad guy and was punished with a detention. Where’s the democracy in that?
The entire event made me cringe every year. How many times did I have to roll my eyes when some lying asshole pledged to see to it that I would receive less homework? How annoying was it to listen to a male candidate try to win my vote when my teenage, hormone-influenced brain had long-since decided to vote for the chick with the nice rack and there wasn’t a damn thing he could say to convince me to do otherwise? I would rather have just had someone declare themselves “School Fascist-Dictator”, and been done with it. Then again, maybe the principal already had dibs on that title.
More often than not, someone running for class president identifies them as the type of goody-two-shoes, social-climbing, resume-padding, suck-ups that you probably want nothing to do with anyway. Therefore, you’ll know to avoid them in the future.
In addition, when it’s all said and done, you still get the satisfaction of laughing at all the losing candidates whose dreams have been crushed and self-esteem ruined. You would feel bad for them, but they should have known better than to waste both your time and theirs with their bullshit campaign. He! He!, losers.
I write more some moron candidates next time Hehehe!