What If I’m Gloria Macapagal Arroyo’s Bagman

How I wish for a minute,I am Joc-joc Bolante, Garcilliano, Abalos, Neri and the most powerfull among of them all is being a First Gentulisan, never mind the president and don’t bother her, she is crying in the bathroom waiting for Obama’s call.

Just suppose Me, Myself and I  have begun a criminal enterprise. Lo and behold, the enterprise is as successful as my dreams. Money flows in torrents. Actually, it begins to pile up all around me. Am I gonna do a “Scrooge” McDuck and jump around in it and maybe frolick in it and toss it around? Or invite Luningning,Milagring and Mariposa for a million dollar “Pasalog” and would be nice for me if they are included on my list as my “Palymate Bunny” then Willie Revillame will commit suicide.

Maybe for about five minutes and then the novelty of that little exercise will wear off. No more fun, and not only that, the money is still flowing in from the successful criminal enterprise. Am I going to keep filling rooms with cash? What the hell am I going to do? Gotta do something with all this money.I would all like to have this problem and it is a real life problem. Hey! Why don’t I become a bank? Better yet, buy a bank. Eureka! Problem solved. It’s just like a washing machine for money. Mortgages, personal loans, collateral loans, auto loans, and all earning interest instead of sitting out there in that old warehouse. Not only that, but the ill-gotten gains from the successful criminal enterprise are still flowing in, so the bank is growing bigger, much bigger. New problems on top of old problems because bank customers are investing savings and investment funds. Too much money! Not enough loans. Maybe bigger loans. Great, buy more banks, expand, get mo’ money. It’s good to be the banker. Hello huge construction projects. Refineries, nuke plants, pipelines, tankers, utilities, trucking, transmission lines, hydroelectric projects. Earn interest on each of these projects all over the country. Buy stocks in all these related industries and promote these industries using the universal lubricant to purchase politicians and news organizations to get these employees reelected. Contracts out the Northrail Expressway to Villar so that Ebdane will have a job.

Those politicians I bought really work. Gotta buy more. Successful criminal enterprise still working good, there’s more of that damn money flowing in every day. Can’t get rid of it all. What I’m gonna do? Eureka! Think big. That’s it! That’s the solution. Been thinking too small. International, multinational, why didn’t I think of this before? International, multinational banks invested in the distribution of basic needs. Energy, oil, this is better than drugs. I can finance everybody, control the flow, control the price, get our political employees to control the regulators, and as long as I can keep everyone addicted to this stuff, I’ll be golden. It gets even better. I get paid to send 78% of this stuff up smokestacks and they pat me on the back like I’m doing a helluva job, and get me more money. It’s good to be the banker. Gotta get rid of them pesky environmentalists, don’t want any more Obama’s “Change” happening. Chris’sake, he was starting to grease the wheels that would hurt my business. Next thing I know, Presidenr elect Obama be trying to make me accountable for the 78% up the stacks. Don’t these dipshits realize how good this is for my bottom lines? Imagine worrying about waste and pollution, next thing President elect Obama and Al Gore be trying to blame me for setting the earth on fire,my illegitimate daugthers will be disqualified for Miss Earth contestant . Only one thing to do. Buy more communications media. Gotta get better control of the news, or those dipshits will start preaching waste and pollution. Global warming, greenhouse effect, more hurricanes, and the stories just keep flowing. Hey, great idea here. Employ Ph.d’s (”piled higher and deeper”) to write papers defending my positions debunking these theories, and use  media to expose my  views as the real truth. Obfuscation, ain’t it wonderful. It’s good to be the banker. What if it all falls apart? Hey, who cares! I’m corparate, that would be fictitious entities. They won’t be able to lay a glove on me even Manny Pacquiao, Ara Mina is on my side and if I play my cards right, they’ll have to keep paying my salaries as employees throughout any protracted periods of litigation. I just love lawyers, because nothing is illegal unless you have actually been convicted in court, after all the appeals processes. It’s just not illegal if you can afford justice. THINK! Raul Gonzales and Maldita Guttierez!